Luckily, I have a life filled with fodder and photos for internet use. Not really. In fact, the past 2 weeks have pretty much been spent anticipating labor every single minute of every single day - and finding new ways to keep Grayson occupied and simultaneously feel important in the interim.
Since I blocked my schedule off about a week ago, deciding not to take any more sessions on for about 8 weeks, I've had a lot more "free time". Its never really a good thing. Aside form driving my husband insane with my crazy nesting techniques - spouting orders and ridiculous requests (not all of them are ridiculous, but I'm sure he thinks they are) - I've simply had too much time to think.
Do you know how TERRIFYING the idea of being a mother of 2 actually is when you have time to sit and contemplate it for minutes (notice how I didn't say hours, I don't have THAT much free time) on end? Aside from the day in/day out monotony of feeding, diapering, waking in the middle of the night... there's an entire other aspect to it.
Love. How is it possible to find enough love in this motherly heart of mine to fit 2 KIDDOS, when currently it so fully occupied by 1?! I know, I know - people do it every day, and your mommy genes just kick in and you love all your children the same, blah blah blah. I get it. I know how it works. But I can't help but worry that its not going to be the same as it has been with Grayson, that I'm not going to be able to stretch the love & attention to cover 2. That something, somewhere is going to be lacking and its going to make me miss out in either his direction or hers.
Yes, internet, these are the things that keep me up nights. So, instead of becoming a complete and total basket case about it all - I keep my mind occupied by keeping my #1 occupied.
Last week - we played pirates. I can't even begin to tell you how pleased I was with how excited Grayson was for the "boat" I made him (out of the box for our new double stroller, no less). I made him his own telescope, he had a treasure box (a good use for an empty wipes box), a hat, a flag - he even had an eye patch (thanks to left over supplies from mom's 2008 retina reattachment surgery).
My mommy cool-ometer was off the charts last week ;)
Watch yourselves - he'll totally steal your booty.
2 comments:
As a recent inductee into the mommy of two club I will share this: you will have all the love you have for Grayson for #2; you will make it work; you will love your husband as much; you will get through each and every day; your son will survive; you will survive. After having Nathan for 2 weeks 6 days, I can honestly say, without hesitation, that it's like he's always been with us and I truly cannot imagine life without him. Everything "they" (whoever "they" are) is true - you make it work, you get through it, and in the end, you have two beautiful children to love!
Tania : )
I totally second your first comment. I spent sleepless nights afraid of the very same thing, but you find it in your heart and then you wonder why you were ever worried about it before. And you will see Grayson's love for his sister, and it will fill your heart EVEN MORE than it was before. Trust me.
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